Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Killer Angels

So I've had to read The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara for my English class. It's actually a pretty good book - it just takes a bit to get into. But the detail and imagery in it is amazing, and you get drawn into the battles and the thoughts of the characters. It's a book about the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War and it looks at both sides of the conflict. It's interesting - you begin the book with initial thoughts about what characters you will and won't like, and by the end you really really dislike some of them! I personally HATE General Lee... he's so passive and nonemotional. And it totally bugs me how his troops worship the ground he walks on. It's disgusting.

Ok, I'm not really sure why I'm writing about my English homework, but I figure it's more fun that actually DOING the work right now. =) I'm sick of work. I'm sick of a lot of things. *SIGH* I'm really ready for Christmas break. Thankfully that's really close. Wednesday is the last day of school, and we'll have the final assembly, and THAT'S IT!!! YEY!!!

PLUS! it's really exciting! My Uncle Doug, Aunt Debbie, and cousins Kaitlyn and Kendra are all coming here to Niamey on TUESDAY!!! (Please God, let their luggage get here with them...) I totally cannot wait to see them! It's going to be hilarious - my cousins are both kinda girly, and they've never left the North American continent. They are going to have such major culture shock - and I can't wait to watch it! Haha! I'm not very nice am I? =) Oh well, we're going to have a blast!!!

Thursday morning 27 people are all going down south to the National Parc W. It's the game park that goes through parts of Niger, Benin, and Burkina Faso. We go down there on our own personal 'safari' if you want to call it that. =) There aren't really enough animals to call it a safari, but that's ok. We sit on the roof-rack of our truck, and drive for hours together and have a ton of fun! The place we go camping is really fun too - there are rock outcroppings you can go climb on and it's right by the river so sometimes we go swimming. It's cold season right now (and as I say that, it's in the 90's outside... but it gets cold at night) so we're gonna freeze sleeping in tents there!

My family is going (all 9 of us including the family from the states), my friend Trae's (the guy I tricked with the switched DVDs) family is going, and their family who is visiting from the states too (10 of them), Mr. Chamberlain and his son Chris (Jessie's dad and brother... see post below), and Chris is inviting Ryan and Justin too. Then the Gillespies, a couple who teaches at my school, is coming and they're bringing Mr. Meade, the math teacher. So... that makes 27! Wow. =) It's going to be awesome! I'll blog about it when we get back on Saturday... maybe. Anyways, I'll blog about it! With pictures of course!!! =)

Oh yeah!!! My friend NAOMI is coming back to Niger from England TOO! This Christmas is going to ROCK!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Mr Bean's 27 Dresses

Ok, ok, I'm sorry my ever so faithful readers... If there are any anymore. I have not blogged for... 21 days. That would be 3 weeks. Wow. I'm sorry! Ok... so I need to write about SOMETHING. Although I'm not exactly sure right now. Wait wait, give me a minute.

Ok! I'll tell you about this prank I played on my friend Trae. It all began... actually it all began with Phil and Jessie. They're this couple in my class that started dating about... oh, a month ago. Well, they're really cute together, and they agreed that they'd have to watch eachother's favorite movies together. Phil's favorite movie is 300, and Jessie's is The Notebook. Well, they watched 300 together, and Phil though that they were gonna watch The Notebook together while they were at the Rec Center. Instead, Jessie made him watch Dreamgirls.
(Do you see the personality differences? Hmm... Notebook vs 300?)

So we're at school talking about this incident, and I said I've only seen The Notebook once, and that's good for me. Trae said that he'd seen it once too, and that a girl had made him watch it with her. We were all laughing that he'd give in to waching that just because a girl made him... and here is where the story begins to build.
I had had a very boring weekend. I hadn't gone anywhere, hadn't done anything all weekend. To ward off boredom, I ended up watching 3 new movies:

27 Dresses, Mr Bean's Holiday, and Mamma Mia.
I was on Facebook, chatting with Trae, telling him about 27 dresses. He said it sounded gay, so I told him I would 'make' him watch it with me one day. He was like 'NO WAY', and I told him that if a girl could make him watch The Notebook, this was pie. He just 'lol'd and we kept on chatting. Then I told him I'd watched Mr Bean's Holiday, and he said that he'd been wanting to see that one. He asked me if I would lend it to him... I told him, "Mayyyybeeeee.... but only if you're super duper nice to me." Of course I would... muahhahahaha!!! (evil laughter!)

So, it's Sunday night. We live on the same compoud as the building we use for the English Evening Service. I was talking to Trae and his girlfriend Esther, and I asked him if he still wanted to borrow that movie. He said yeah, so the three of us started walking to my house. Well.... my little diabolical mind had been whirring...

When we got to my house, I did something so simple... so easy... so noticable - IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION which Trae was not. I switched the DVDs. I stuck 27 Dresses into the Mr Bean case... and gave it to him. Why did I get so much pleasure out of this? Because he didn't notice until later that night when it was IN his computer and he was all settled down for a relaxing movie.

And what comes on? 27 Dresses!!! YES!!! I know, I know, juvenile, immature, pathetic, but HILARIOUS!!! =D I'm so mean.

But not that mean. I gave him the real movie the next day. =)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

God Bless the USA

When I was in 7th grade... oh so many ages ago... I was in the dance elective at my public middle school in California. I loved the class so much, and the greatest part of it was the Semester recital. We got to choreograph our own dance and perform it in front of the school. Four other girls and myself chose the song 'God Bless the USA' by Jump5. Yeah, if you know anything about Jump5, that's pretty hysterical right now! And it totally shows off my tweeny-bopper style of music too. We didn't really 'dance' to this song, instead we did one of the ribbon choreography dances. We had the really long ribbons on sticks and came up with moves that fit the words. We practiced for hours and so many class periods. The day of the performance came and it went well... it was really scary being in front of the whole school like that, especially my middle school! But the song always brings back nostalgia and I love the words to this day...

"I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died and gave that right to me
Now I'll proudly stand up next to you and defend her still today
Because there ain't no doubt I love this land
GOD BLESS THE USA"

I look at this day in history, and I don't like it any more than the next conservative Christian. But then I also have to think that God is in control. He knew Obama was going to win all the while... even before any ballots were cast, or before the presidential race even started. God knew, and God's made his plans around it, so why should we worry about it? God will bless those who he choses. And no matter what he decides to do, our prayer should still be that God blesses our country. He has in the past - why wouldn't he in the future? God has promised that when two or three come together in his name he hears their voices - how could he ignore a whole nation calling out for his blessings? Especially calling out for his blessings, despite their thoughts or feelings on who the president is.

God is not deaf.

I disagree with what Barak Obama stands for, but I take comfort in the fact (yes FACT) that God knows better than we do what will come out of these next four or eight years. God is good. All the time.

On my online website, the chaplian posts a new devotional every day. I loved what he put up today.

~~~
Romans 13:1-2 (NIV) Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
The United States has just elected a new President. This election has seen the largest turnout of voters in United States history, and both sides have been very passionate about their candidate. The verses above do not give us any room to take political sides though. They do not mention personalities or political viewpoints. As always, the Scripture cuts to the core of the issue.
Scripture's interest is in the authority behind the person, the investment of God in a leader to govern people that ultimately belong to Him.
Pray for the leaders of your nation. Make sure that your words and your actions acknowledge the God-invested authority of those leaders.
~~~

God Bless the USA

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Power of Prayer

To everyone who reads this blog, thanks so much for your support and prayers! Yesterday was hard... really hard. I'll say that I haven't cried like I did yesterday in a long time. I was really really hurt by this person, and I can say that things haven't been resolved... yet. I'm still praying really hard. I'm so thankful for all of you who commented or sent me e-mails of concern. It means so much to me. I'm doing so much better now, but there is still pain... somewhat understandably. I've been able to talk with my parents and some close friends about it, and they've helped me a lot.

I know now that the person who blew up at me was having a hard time with several things, and that it happened to be me who was standing in the line of fire when she pulled the trigger. It wasn't just me that set off her anger. Although I'm still not sure what it was that I did to set it off.

Anyways, please keep praying for me... It's school break so I'm not going to see her until Monday... but we're going to be living together for two weeks when school starts again. I'm not sure how that will run, so your prayers are appreciated. Also, please pray that God would give me his love and grace, because at times she's very hard to love. Pray that he'd give me patience and forgiveness as well. Also, if you can just pray for her! She needs it more than I do. Pray that God would show her his infinite love that passes all understanding - everything else will come from there. Please please pray - it's so powerful, and God has done so much through the power of prayer.

Thanks again everyone! God bless you so much!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

What Did I Do?

Shania Twain sings a song titled 'It Only Hurts When I Bleed'... well I'm not bleeding, but it hurts like heck. It's not physical... but it feels like it is. Stabbed in the back... I don't understand....


I thought I did what's best for you
I always did what you wanted me to
I was there for you when you needed me
I really tried to be true

I loved you when it was so hard
When life dealt you another bad card
I was your confidante and friend
And now you leave me stabbed and scarred

Now you won't even speak to me
A true blue friend I tried to be
Instead you say this friendship's through
When I can't even see
What did I do?

You won't tell me, you're just mad
You break me, then toss me hurt and sad
I wish that this could be undone
But I still don't know what went so bad!

You yell at me, and then accuse me
I feel like this whole time you've only used me
Did our friendship ever mean anything?
Because now I'm left broken and bruised.

I tried become close and faithful to you
When everyone else didn't want to be true
I tried, I did! I still want to...
But you won't tell me
What did I do?

I think this speaks for itself.... I don't really want to say more than this. Pray for me?...please.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Like a Mustard Seed

You are the author of knowledge
You can redeem what's been done
You hold the present and all that's to come
Until your everlasting kingdom

Lord I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

You are the God of tomorrow
Turning the darkness to dawn
Lifting the hopeless with hope to go on
You are the rock of our salvation

Lord I don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

Oh Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present and all that is to come
Oh Lord, you are the author
Redeeming what's been done
You hold us in the present and all that is to come

Lord we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt
Lord we don't know where all this is going
Or how it all works out
Lead us to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt

That song was written after September 11, 2001. My dad raised me on Newsboys... and I've always loved their songs. Well, one of those 'Small World' moments happened when, one Sunday, in our church in the US we sang the song 'He Reigns'. The worship pastor said that it was one of the ladies singing's brother who co-wrote the song. My dad has loved Newsboys since they started, and before that he was a huge fan of Steve Taylor, who is now the Newsboys' producer. Well, my dad looked at the lady on stage and it clicked that she was Steve Taylor's sister! Well, he asked her about it and to make a long story short, Steve Taylor and his family came that Christmas to visit his sister and our church. My dad got to meet him (I did too!), and he was able to ask Steve about this song...

You see... this song holds really deep meaning for firstly my dad, and for our whole family. Sometimes, I'll stop and listen to it and I'll just start crying because of the emotional significance it has for me. When I was in 6th grade my family went back to the US for home assignment. We were planning on being back for a year and then going back to our home in Cote d'Ivoire. Well, in September 2003, the country fell apart into a civil war. We were in the states, we were safe... but for me I WANTED to be back home! Even in the middle of the war, I wanted to be there and saying goodbye to the only place I'd ever called home. I wanted to be with my friends, my extended family, the people that knew me and loved me. I know my parents were struggling too - where was God going to lead next?

One day dad was driving down the main boulevard in our town, and this song came on the Christian radio station. He had to pull the car over, because he started crying... Only God knows what is going to happen... Only he knows how it will all work out, and the best thing we can pray for is peace that will take us past all doubt.

I love the parable Jesus tells about the mustard seed.
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." Matthew 13:31-32
To me, faith is like a mustard seed too. It has to start somewhere. That one tiny leap of faith is all you need, then it can grow and grow until it's so big! It's so big that it's impossible to uproot and you become an example and role model for the people around you who look at you and say, "Wow, I want faith like that." And the 'faith like that' started out tiny, just like a tiny mustard seed.

Basically, I'm writing this because I've had a huge disappointment happen to me. Me and another good friend and another family were going to go to Benin to help with a conference by doing the kids program. We've been planning and preparing for almost 2 months... and I found out yesterday that the trip was canceled. The director's nephew committed suicide, and she needs to go back to the USA to be with the family. The people we were doing the conference for decided that the conference would be postponed until she gets back. So it's not CANCELED... but it's still really really disappointing. We were going to go during our school's October Break, now if we go later we'll have to miss a week of school. It just becomes so much more complicated and frustrating... but God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

It's so funny though how sometimes something can send you crashing down but something else can lift you up so sky high! One of my friends, after a long and 'painful' (he calls it) process, has finally decided to become a Christian! It's so exciting and amazing and wonderful and I'm just so blown away and overjoyed about it all! God is so so so good. Incredibly, absolutely good. Amen?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Open Doors and Tiled Floors

For those of you who are Dashboard Confessional fans, I took the title of this blog from their song 'Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors'. However, my heart is not broken and my floors are only concrete under the tile. So I wrote the alternative.

Dad has finally fixed our swamp cooler so the house has been a much more manageable temperature lately. He's been leaving it on at night for us kids so we can sleep without our ACs (air conditioners). Not like my AC has been working anyways. Well, the cooler creates a pressure inside the house so if we close all the windows and doors the cool air has nowhere to go. If you open up a window in a room, even at the other end of the house, the air will rush for that point, pushing the hot air out and the cool air through the house. So we leave our bedroom doors and windows open at night now. I don't really like this - I like my privacy... My door stays closed the majority of the time. If I had my way, I'd keep it closed all the time with an AC on, but of course in this just life we live... I don't get my way. Not as if I've asked that - that would be unreasonable and a waste of electricity.

Before Dad fixed the cooler I'd been sleeping in my sister Shannon's room. We were allowed to use the AC if we were both in a room. Since mine hasn't been working, and her room is generally cleaner than mine, I took a foam matress into her room and slept on the floor. Her AC makes a funny noise when you turn it on. It sounds like the water after a toilet has just been flushed. She hates that noise, but it worked out for the most part because I'd come in after she'd gone to sleep and turn it on and close her window. The matress would sink underneath me untill I was about an inch above the hard tile floor. It was enough though and I slept so well on those nights. The cool air around me, an ambient noise in the background, and nice warm blanket pulled up around my neck creates the perfect sleeping atmosphere.

And so tonight I sleep in my bed high above the tile floors. With the fan on high and the window and door open, a thin sheet pulled around me, I might be able to imagine myself to sleep. I'll sleep and dream of airplanes and clouds; nice cold clouds that I can sleep on, and fuzzy airplane blankets to pull over myself and keep me warm...

or not.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

An Energizer Bunny Life

I was chatting with a friend the other day and he asked me how I was doing... I replied, "It goes... it's an Energizer Bunny life... it keeps going and going and going and going... then it dies unexpectedly." He replied, "The Energizer Bunny was abducted by aliens."

So. The Energizer Bunny life. I should write a book, don't you think? "How to Manage the Energizer Bunny Life". Or not. Something tells me Borders wouldn't stock it. And it's quite a silly metaphor in itself. Who wants to be a weird pink rabbit in sunglasses who plays the bass drum? Me, I'd be the green giraffe on saxophone. Way cooler than a pink bunny.

But life is still like that, whether or not we like pink bunnies, isn't it? It keeps going and going, where it stops, nobody knows. And trust me, sometimes I just want the world to stop! It would be so much easier sometimes. Things just have a way of piling up and seeming never ending. Isn't it so nice to realize that there's always an end to things!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Vitamins

So, I'm taking an online health course right now. I just started the 'Nutrition' section of it, and I found some interesting stuff about vitamins. I thought I'd share... just cuz.

Did you know...
- that if you don't get enough vitamin A, you can get night blindness, excessively dry skin, and dry eyes due to malfunctioning tear glands. But if you get too MUCH vitamin A it can interfere with your growth, menstruation, and cause headaches, nausea, and jaundice. (That doesn't sound like much fun...)

- vitamin D is the only vitamin your body produces on it's own! (Hip hip hooray for our body!)

- There are 8 B vitamins. Vitamin B1=Thiamine, vitamin B2=Riboflavin, B3=Niacin, B6=Pyridoxine, B12=Cobalamin, and Folic acid, Pantothenic acid, and Biotin. (why do only 5 of them have numbers - and not even in the right order! Can't you people count? Sheesh.)

- Vitamin C is also called ascorbic acid. Found in lots of fruit and veggies (but citrus fruits are the BEST!!! or fresh strawberries... yum...)

- Vitamin D is used in the body to retain calcium and phosphorus. (That seems weird to me... phosphorus is the glowing stuff that you see when you dig in the sand at the beach at night. If you've never done that, you need to!)

- The use of Vitamin E in the body is "not clearly established" but it's an essential element in more than 20 vertebrate species! (HEAR THAT! That means PEOPLE too! Eat it folks!)

- Vitamin K is used in the coagulation of blood and is most plentiful in alfalfa and fish livers. (Yum yum. =P actually, ick, ick and double dutch ick.)

- Unless otherwise told, the best sources of all these vitamins are in NATURAL SOURCES! Not pills, but veggies and fruit and food stuff. Not pills. Not ever pills. No pills. Have I made that clear? No? Ok, NOT PILLS!!! I only put that pick up because it kinda worked with what I'm talking about.

So those are the main vitamins we need to stay healthy in our BODIES... what about spiritually? There are 'vitamins' that are much more important for us - and they can be found in fruit too: the Fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
So that was my random 'lesson' for the day. Sorry readers, I haven't had a creative writing spree for a while. I'll get one soon, no worries! Keep reading!
Salama.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

How to Speak French: Lesson One

So Verja, I'm gonna give you a little bitty lesson on how to speak one of the most beautiful and romantic languages in the world (in my humble opinion of course). =)

To aid in my lesson, I'll introduce you to Jean and Marie. (Jean is a boys name and is the English equivalent of John. the 'ean' in Jean is pronounced like the 'o' in on. Marie of course, is the English equivalent of Mary.)

First off, are the greetings:
Jean: Bonjour, Marie. (Hello Marie)
Marie: Bonjour, Jean. Comment ça va? (Hello Jean. How are you?)
Jean: Ça va bien, merci. Et toi? (I'm fine thanks. And you?)
Marie: Ça va. (I'm fine)



Thank you Jean and Marie! Now, bonjour is a fairly well known French word, n'est pas? (is it not?) Comment is the question word in the sentence. It means 'how' and is pronounced co-mo[n]. NOT like the word comment or common. The first 'o' is LONG and the second 'o' has the silent-ish 'n' added to the end.


Ça va (said sah-vah) literally means 'it goes'. With the comment added before it it means literally 'how's it going?' Marie responds with ça va bien which means 'It's going fine' or 'It's going good'.


Bien means good or well and in this case it could mean fine.


The word et is very simply 'and'.


Toi is the word for ‘you’. It is the informal version, as if you were talking to a very good friend or a relative. Vous is the polite form of 'you'. If Marie and Jean were strangers, they could use the word vous like this:

Jean: Ça va bien, merci. Et vous?

Vous is considered more polite and is used for strangers or people in authority. It is also used when addressing a group of people like if Jean were speaking to Marie AND (let's pick a name...) Pierre. (Pierre is the French equivalent of Peter - and you know what's cool? The name Peter means 'rock', and the French word for 'a rock' is un pierre!) If Jean was speaking to Marie and Pierre, he would use vous, because there is more than one person. (Oh, by the way, I can't spell in any language that I speak, so please ignore my horrible spelling of bien in the comic... Paint doesn't have spellcheck, lol!)



So there you have it! Your very first French lesson! Hope it was fun and informative and all that jazz. One more thing to learn




Thursday, September 18, 2008

Cut It Out

I've never considered myself artistic. I've never been able to draw or paint as well as other people. I hated art class for a while because our teacher would make us sketch the most impossible stuff without using lines - just using the variants in shade and shadow. Well, I will admit I learned a lot from him. In fact I'm working on a picture right now, just a pencil drawing... but I love it! I'll post a picture of it when I'm done.

Photography, writing, and probably the most of all, collages are my main artistic outlet. Oh, and music of course. I'm a music fanatic, but I'll rave about that later. Don't ever give me an old issue of Vogue - I will kill it! I love cutting out pictures of people and advertisements... my closet doors are covered in cutouts! I don't compare myself to the models, that'd be ridiculous. I'm not even sure why I keep some of them. I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So when I'm looking through a magazine or something, and I see something beautiful, I cut it out. Whether they're whole pages or just tiny snippets, I keep them.

They're mostly people... not all stickman models either... I have some of children, some of food (yummy chocolate chip cookie!), just some random advertisements... But my favorite one is from a French issue of Vogue where they did an article on South Africa. The article cover photo is a beautiful woman with traditional paint on her face, in a beautiful red traditional dress... it makes me feel so blessed to have been exposed to this culture! The beauty of individuality and the differences in culture and tradition have been rooted deep in my soul. That's one thing I never want to cut out.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

En Français

Je voudrais ecrire quelque chose en français. (I would like to write something in French.) À vous qui ne parlez pas français, tant pis! (To those of you who don't speak French, too bad!) Moi, je parle français aussi rapidement. (I speak French fairly rapidly.) Ici en Niamey, il faut parler français ou hausa ou zarma... ou une autre langue comme ça. (Here in Niamey, you must speak French or Hausa or Zarma... or another language like that.) Il n'y a personne presque qui parle l'anglais. (There is hardly anyone who speaks English.) Mais, je pense que je suis beni avoir une autre langue. (But I think that I am blessed to know another language.) C'est très utile! (It's very useful!) Je voudrais apprendre une autre langue aussi. (I would like to learn another language too.) Peut-être l'espagnol! (Maybe Spanish!)

Voici une poeme j'ai écrit en français. (Here is a poem I wrote in French.)

La Zamou

Merci pour la joie tu m'a donné (Thank you for the joy you've given me)
C'est comme la pluie (It is like the rain)
Je suis trempée jusqu'aux os (I'm soaked to the bone)
Merci pour la joie tu nous a donné (Thank you for the joy you've given us)
C'est comme l'océan (It is like the sea)
Tu fait tremper tout (You soak everything)
J'espere que le soleil n'arrive jamais (I hope the sun never comes)
Ni la poussière, ni la saison sèche (Neither the dust, nor the dry season)
Que ta joie jamais se tarir (That your joy will never dry up)
Laisse la pluie, laisse l'océan (Leave the rain, leave the ocean)
J'aime être mouillée (I love being wet)

Bon, au revoir mes amis! (Ok, goodbye my friends!) À la prochaine! (Until next time!)
Salama

Monday, September 15, 2008

Walking on Water


It rained yesterday. That may not seem like a ton to some people, but it's a pretty big deal to the people out here. Right now is technically our rainy season, but that
doesn't mean everything. We're blessed if it rains once a week during the rainy season! And it's ending soon... It only lasts from the end of May (if we're lucky!) to the beginning of October (If we're lucky again!). Then it's deathly dry the rest of the year. Ok, that's not true... in March through May it starts getting deathly humid. And I mean REALLY humid. Then you know it's only a couple of months or even weeks until the rains start. Then the first rain... wow, that first rain...

Rain is rarely boring here. The first rain is always preceded by huge winds. And all the dust that has been collecting for seven months flies into the air. The dust storm is phenomenal! If you've ever seen the movie Hidalgo, that's what it looks like. It's not that thick, but it literally looks like a brown cloud racing towards you.

School is impossible to keep in session during that. All the students and the majority of the teachers will race outside onto our dirt soccer field and watch the dust and play in the dust and dance in the dust and sing in the dust... The wind is so strong, we try and lean back into it, or else we race around the fields flapping our arms like mad parrots.

Then the rain, the glorious rain comes again. Huge drops fall from the sky and it isn't long until it's coming down in sheets. Everyone gets soaked to the skin, and mud fights break out. Huge puddles form in front of the dining hall and around the campus - ideal to slide and splash in. All maturity goes out the window and you can act like you're 6 again. Running through the rain, over the puddles - sometimes it feels like you're walking on water.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Anonymous


I think it's kind of funny how everybody on this earth wants to be known and loved for who they are, but still, everyone craves some sort of anonymity. Or at least I do. Maybe I'm just a freak.

No, no, I know I'm not. =) Don't worry. But it's true, anonymity is so perfect sometimes. It can be so much more sincere than having everyone know who you are. Being known comes with prerequisites and qualifications. Heaven forbid someone say something out of line! Never! OMG, she SAID that?! That is SO not like her. What's wrong? We should all crowd around her and make her tell us what's really up. Dear old friend, old pal, WHY didn't you let us KNOW!? What's going on?! Why didn't you TELL US?!

Have I made my point? Not like I'm hiding stuff from my friends. Just the true expression of my thoughts and emotions are sometimes so much better anonymous. I can say what I want, and say what I mean in a way that's candid and honest. I love the Dr. Seuss quote: "Say what you want to say, and be what you want to be, 'Cause those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." It's somewhat true, but not completely. Those that matter don't mind what you think, but they do mind how you express it.

It's somewhat freeing to have a spot that you can rant and rave all you want and no one gives a rip. Like I may not be depressed, but when I write stuff that shows how down I'm feeling some people could get very concerned. It's difficult to know who will take it the right way. That's why only select people know about this blog. People that I know can take what I say for face value, and not take it deeper than it needs to be. If you don't KNOW me, read on! What you think of who I am can be judged all you want - you don't know who I really am, and this is about the most sincere I can get sometimes.

To anyone who takes the time to read this emotional spigot (LOVE that term... that bit of genius came to me last night!) thanks for taking the time to read. I admit it may not be as fun loving as some other blogs, but I'll have my moments, trust me! Enjoy!

Salama

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Cartwheels

Today is a creative day... I can't seem to get my head out of the clouds and onto solid ground. It's not like there is one specific reason for it either. So much is just racing around my head, and I can't seem to focus on one thing. My head is doing cartwheels with everything that's going on. All I could really think about was getting my thoughts onto paper, or in this case, my blog. And now that I'm sitting at the laptop in my room, I can't think of anything to say.

I talked to Nate's sister today. I'd never told her how i felt about Nate... and it was somewhat relieving to know she feels the same way I do about the Nate and Allie. HEY NATE'S SISTER! I'M GONNA HAVE TO COME UP WITH A NAME YOU LIKE! Haha... I told her about the blog, she'll be checking it out probably.

I feel like everything is doing cartwheels right now. Nothing feels stable, nothing stays put. My emotions are like that right now... up then down then normal. It's weird. I don't like it. Life is to boring when things are completely stable, but spinning around like this isn't right.

Salama

Poetic motion

Everyone knows someone who can's seem to shut their mouth and stop talking. I'm one of those people sometimes. I love to talk, I love to communicate. I can do it almost fluently in two languages, and one day (hopefully) I want to make it three.

But sometimes communication just isn't enough through speech. Sometimes I communicate better through a media: art, photography, poetry, collages, music... which could explain the creation of this blog. Emotion to me can't be trapped inside. It needs to be released into the open in some form. Instead of blabbing on about my 'horrible day', why not do it creatively on paper? Find a way to express myself through imagery and symbolism. That's just how my mind works best sometimes.

Poetry moves... it has a motion all to it's own. It can run or march or trudge or skip - all depending on how it is written and what the author is trying to communicate from it. I've written poetry for - well a long time it feels like. I don't know when I realized it was such an emotional outlet for me, but it's become more so recently. Even reading poetry has motion. It can move you, influence you, direct you...

I'm going to put up one of my poems in this post. I wrote it back in December. I think it accurately portrays my feelings and thoughts about communicating through media...

Behind Bars

I'm in my cage
Feeling locked away from normality
Every once in a while a small taste is granted
Every once in a while things feel right
Things feel like they used to
But now I'm locked up
No chance to spread my wings
The letter and law are my turnkeys
They keep me imprisoned
Daylight is glimpsed through my bars
Sunshine is glorious to my withering eyes
But glimpses are my only chance
Basking in light, now that is a dream
A dream that can't be realized
One that can only stay in my head
But now, and only now there is a chance
A small escape away from the cold damp of my cell
A pen, a piece of paper, a light by which to write by
This will be my key
This is my escape to the outside world
And maybe someday, someday soon
I'll be able to bask in that sunlight

I'm not someone who gets 'depressed'. I'm usually very upbeat and full of a spirit that spreads out to everyone around me. But like everyone else, I have my down days. December was full of down days... and I needed to express that. I know now... but then I sincerely felt that I had no one to talk to. I know that I did. I chose not to. Instead I escaped into my poetry, my expression that didn't have chains.

There Was...

There was the longing to reach
To let secrets be known
But the fear that emotions would show

There was the yearning to love
And be loved in return
Yet anxiety continued to burn

There was the longing to jump
Into the unknown abyss
Felt the mark was too large to miss
So I jumped
And the arrow fell short
The target was missed
But the response wasn't an unfeeling retort
Instead you understood
My wings were stripped from me
But you helped me glide to safety

There used to be a spark inside
I thought it was extinguished but was wrong
It still burns strong

There used to be a knife plunged deep
It was removed
But the wound still seeps

There is now the wish to turn pages
To write the next chapter of my life
With words that forget the strife

And press on

I wrote 'There Was...' the day after 'Behind Bars'. I'll probably explain my emotions behind them in a later post, but for now, it feels good to put the poetry on here.

Skipping forward in time a bit... I wrote this next one in February.

It's Amazing...

It's amazing to find yourself
Lost in a maze of emotion
It's curious to be found
Hanging upside-down
Not knowing which way is up
And therefore always falling on your face
It's incredible to see
How something simple
Can grip you passionately
Can clench you like sand
Held in a fist, so it slowly trickles out
Until there's nothing left of it
And it leaves you drained
It's astonishing to comprehend
That some things always were
Some things simply are
And yet others will carry on
This is none of those
It is terminal, fleeting
It lasts as long as I entertain it
Try and grasp the sand
But it slides through my fingers
Leaving emptiness
Loneliness
A longing to belong
It's amazing...

I'm rereading these for the first time in months... and I'm feeling the motion all over again. Trust me, when I get creative, it's gonna show in these posts! Just the fact that so far I've written two posts in less than two days is proof. Who knows... today feels like a creative day. We'll see what comes out of it.

Salama.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Mad like a lava lamp.

So, I'm sitting here, writing my first blog, and I'm mad. My red lava lamp is next to me on the desk... and like it's color, I'm red. I'm frustrated and angry... both at myself and at others. It's a mellow kind of mad - just like a lava lamp. Nothing drastic happens, it just bubbles inside, until the heat is turned off and everything dies down. That's what this is like right now. I'm a lava lamp inside.

Have you ever sat and watched a lava lamp for a long time? It mesmerizes you, and you can't stop staring. It's always changing, ebbing, and flowing up and down. You can watch for hours. I sometimes stare at it when I can't sleep... the movement relaxes me, and then I wake up again because I have to get up and turn it off before I konk out.

My name is Chantelle - you can call me Chan or whatever you please... Chan is easiest. I used to hate it... but now all my friends call me that. It grows on you... I suppose. I'm a senior in high school... in West Africa. I've lived in Africa my whole life - this is home. My passport says I'm an American... my face says I'm white... my heart doesn't know where I fit in this mess of a world.

And lets face it this world is messed up. Whether you want to admit it or not... but I've seen the real world from the inside out and vice versa. It's sad what you see. I've been blessed and cursed to view some of the largest extremes of living. I've seen the condos in Beverly Hills. I've seen the trash shacks on the streets and alleys of a West African city. I've seen girls walking through malls in Prada and seen boys begging on the street for food, their ribs visible through their shirts.

My life is unique in a way I think no one else could compare to... and I feel so stupid right now because that's not what I'm mad about. I'm mad at a boy... a certian boy. Why does he make me so mad? Because he makes me compare myself to someone else in a way that makes me compromise what I am. I am beautiful, I am special, I am one of a kind - but he makes me wish I was HER.

If anyone that actually knows me reads this, you may or may not know who I'm talking about. For my own best interest, and probably several other people's, I'll change names. Hmm... what would be an appropiriate name for this 'boy'. Lets call him Nathan, Nate for short. Nate is amazing. No, amazing doesn't begin to describe what I think he is... but we'll move on from that. The last thing I want this to be is some freaky tweeny-bopper 'OMG I LOVE HIM' kinda blog. Because I don't. I like Nate. Alot. But that's going to be set aside for now. Now is when I introduce Allie. Allie is cute, she's fun, she's a friend of mine. And she's the girl I wish I could be right now. Because when Nate's involved... all eyes are on her.

And I'm just lava lamp mad. Why does a girl like Allie have him wrapped around her pinkie finger? And why do I want it to be different? What's so great about Nate? Why can't I just let it go, and realize that I'm not Allie, I never will be, and besides that I'm not the kind of girl that Nate would go for? It flips the switch in me sometimes, and slowly I get redder and redder, hotter and hotter... a mellow kind of mad that bubbles inside of me. My lava lamp mad.